Cali's Journey

I know I'm a very sarcastic person, so forgive me when this post is missing my usual witty-ness. And sorry, but this post is kind of a novel. This has been a long road, and since I have been telling her story over and over to the ten thousand-ish doctors we've seen in the last month, I thought I would blog it. So, in case you've ever wondered about my little Cali, well - here goes.

When she was born, until she was about ten months old, she was the world's most perfect baby. She never cried. She was always happy, her eyes always sparkled. She slept more at night than my other two kids. I was in heaven. We all were. I was thinking we needed to have at least five more kids, because Cali was so fabulous.

Then, on the 4th of July, she woke up with a 104 degree fever. She was so sick. No one was open that day so we ended up taking her to an insta-care we don't usually use and will never use again. Because the people there are amazingly stupid. That's as nice as I can put it. So we took my sick little baby in, and they diagnosed her with a respiratory virus and said she'd get over it. She had no other symptoms. No runny nose, no cough. Nothing but this fever. So I didn't really

believe them, and the next Monday I took her to her regular doctor. Who said it was teeth. Teething. Really? At 103-104? That night her fever got up to 105, and I was completely terrified. So we took her to the ER after much debating and calling to get Blair's mom out of bed at 2 am. By the time we go there, her fever broke and the doctor couldn't figure out why in the world we were wasting his time. So we came home, but the next day I took her in to her regular

doctor again and demanded that they do something.

So the tests started, where they ran every blood and urine test they could think of. They knew there was a serious infection because her white blood cell count was seriously high, but they couldn't find the infection anywhere. So, two weeks and 6 days later, the doctor said if her fever

didn't break by the next day they were going to admit her to the hospital. It broke.

For the next several months, I continued to take Cali back in, month after month, telling her doc that she had incredibly high fevers and no other symptoms. They checked her ears. They checked her blood. They told me it was teething or a virus. Sometimes they would give her antibiotics, mostly just to pacify me, I think. By January, I was getting desperate. Cali had had a

fever of at least 104 every single month since July.

And then the worst one of all hit in February or March and her fever sky-rocketed to 106 and we couldn't bring it down. By now I was used to fevers. 104.5? No big deal. I reacted to it the same way I used to react to 101. But when it got to 106 and we were giving her advil and Tyleno

l alternately, trying to bring it down, washing her in a cool tub all through the night and nothing helped, I freaked. Blair gave her a blessing, in which he specifically asked that we would be able to find out what was wrong. We took her to the Pediatric ER at the hospital, where we saw Dr. Barhorst, who I believe is an angel in every way. She immediately ordered all kinds of blood work and told me she thought it was a continuous fever syndrome or leukemia. She did the tests. We waited a week and it wasn't leukemia. Thank heavens. None of her other blood work showed anything either, and we were disappointed that we still didn't have any answers. Dr. Barhorst told me to talk to our regular doc about the fever syndrome, so I did the next time the fever hit. She said if Cali wasn't better by August (!!!!!) we would start doing tests.

Are you kidding me?!

She tried so hard to be happy anyway

And then Cali got worse, and our doc couldn't fit us in, so she sent us back to Dr. Barhorst. Who ran a test on Cali called a CRP count, which she didn't usually do but felt like she should. This tests the level of inflammation in the body. The normal count is 20.

Cali was at 84.

So now we know there is a serious problem and the Dr. Barhorst starts ordering serious tests. CT Scans, huge amounts of blood work, EKG. After the CT Scan Dr. Barhorst called me and said she thought it was cystic fibrosis and she was sending the scan to a specialist to look at it right away. I was devastated.

The specialist, however, didn't see anything wrong, and sent it back to Dr. Barhorst. But she didn't believe him, and sent the scan down to Primary Children's to a pediatric rhumetologist. Who told her that yes, there was something very wrong and that they had seen it several times. In the bone behind Cali's left ear, it was completely infected. You couldn't even see the bone in the scan because of the infection. And the bone behind her right ear was nearly as bad. Somehow, when the specialist had gotten the CT Scan, he hadn't gotten the whole thing, because all it was supposed to be capturing was her sinuses. But the specialist at PC saw the whole thing, and because Cali was so tiny, it had accidentally captured behind her ears, too.

SOOO the specialist fit us in that same day, and when he looked at Cali's ears, he said the infection was so bad that her left ear drum had thickened and they aren't sure she'll regain hearing in that ear. Her right ear is still okay but at this point, and probably for the last year, because of the infection she can't hear hardly at all. My heart broke. My poor baby had been living, not only in constant pain, but also in a nearly silent world.

Tomorrow we go in for surgery. I'm scared for two reasons. One, of course, is that it's surgery, and that is always scary but especially in one so tiny. Two, I'm so terrified that this won't help, that it won't make her better and that we are all wrong again, and that she'll have to keep living with the same pain and exhaustion she has had for the last year.

In the surgery they'll clean out the infection in the bone behind both ears. They are also putting tubes in, hoping it will help. And then she'll be on powerful antibiotics that will make her sick, for six weeks. And then we'll repeat the hearing tests and CT Scan again, and hopefully, my baby will be all better.

And Cali will finally get to be a happy, healthy baby again.

Please keep her in your prayers tonight. :)

Tomorrow, this will be hilarious...

I am having a bad day. It started as soon as I rolled out of bed this morning (or sooner, if you count all the times I got up with my little Rocky through the night). Luckily for me, this is the kind of bad day that is funny...later.

I came upstairs and had to yell at Carson as soon as I set Rocky down because he wasn't...um...very happy to see her. Then I went to make breakfast and while I was there, little Rocky wandered into the bathroom that one of my kids (they refuse to tell me who) had just used and left the seat up. And forgotten to flush. So I hear splashing and went running in and well, it was gross. We'll leave it at that.

I sat the kids down for breakfast and started doing Sisi's hair. I thought we had plenty of time but I glanced up at the clock when I was about 3/4 done and saw that it wasn't 7:30. It was 8:00. And the bus comes at 8:04. Of course, I freaked out, so Sisi freaked out and shoved her breakfast in as she ran to get dressed with her hair mostly done. And while I'm racing to get her socks, Rocky climbs up on the table and dumps our whole bowl of elastics all over, and threw some in Sisi's juice for good measure. I come up the stairs, see her on the table, see the mess, and throw the socks in Sisi's general direction while swooping Rocky off the table and to the sink where I wash juice off her hands (it's sticky. We hate sticky) And then while Sisi's getting her shoes on I tried to scoop up all the elastics so Rocky won't put them in her mouth, because she puts EVERYTHING in her mouth. (hence her nickname. Rocky)

Then I threw them in Sisi's juice.

ARGH!!

Sisi went flying out the door, and the bus was 15 minutes late.
And then I went to take a shower. I lock Rocky in the bathroom with me so she doesn't try to throw herself off the table or down the stairs. And I heard her unrolling the toilet paper, but she stopped when I told her to. A few seconds later, she waddled over and threw an entire roll of unraveled toilet paper into the shower with me.

And while I was cleaning that up (not fun), she smeared chocolate all over my white chair.
And then at a school tour, the woman who was supposed to be taking me on the tour was accosted by several bleeding children and I finally had to leave.

BECAUSE the internet installation guy was supposed to be here at 2. Blair, bless his heart, didn't want me to have to deal with installation guys and kids all by myself so he got off work early and came home.

The Installation guy showed up at 4:20 and didn't leave until 6. Around 5:30, his friend shows up at our house, comes in, makes himself at home in our office, and they just hang out.
And then Carson's preschool teacher changed his preschool party to Monday. At the EXACT same time as Sisi's party. Now, I'm pretty good, but not that good. Even I can't be in two places at once.

On top of that, a good friend also had a horrible day. But hers probably won't be funny tomorrow.

Now it's 6 pm and I'm wondering what the rest of the day has in store for me. Hopefully, we'll make it til tomorrow so I can laugh about it.

Loves today

Every day I think, at least a thousand times, how much I love something. For example, I'll think, I love how Cali does that weird little laugh when I finally figure out what she wants. And then I think I should write it down so I don't forget. I never do. But today, I thought I would share the things I have noticed that I love.

I love how Carson can make me laugh, no matter how upset I am.

I love how Cali calls everything either a horse, a puppy, or a kitty. And the monkey, which I would have thought would be in the puppy category, is a horse.

I love Carson's face when he's playing pretend. He gets soooo in to character.

I love Sisi's laugh. Her real laugh, not the courtesy laugh you get when she doesn't really think you're funny but doesn' t want to make you feel bad. You can't help but smile when you hear it.

I love that chocolate makes Cali as happy as it does me.

I love Sisi's hair. Dang, it's gorgeous! Why don't I have hair like that?

I love to watch Cali sleep. She's so pretty. She reminds me of an angel.

I love the way she puckers up her lips to say no. And how she says no when she's doing something she knows she isn't supposed to.

I love my house when it's clean.

I love how serious Cali is when she's telling me stories in her own little language.

I love listening to Blair swear in the morning, usually while he's still asleep. He's so cute when he's grumpy.

Like I said, every day I notice a thousand things that I love and should write down. These are just some of them I've noticed today, but they make me happy.

Keep Moving Forward

This has been a tough year. Despite having the most adorable kids on the planet and the most amazing husband EVER, with all the financial, health, and emotional issues we've been dealing with there have been times that I didn't think we were gonna make it.

Amazingly enough, we did.

Although the biggest problems we've had this past year aren't resolved and I don't see a resolution to them in the near future, I'm grateful that we made it this far, and I keep praying for strength to keep going. Sometimes, I think I keep going just because I can't figure out how to quit :)

One of my favorite shows ever is Meet the Robinsons. I think the show is hilarious -- my favorite line, and Blair's, is the dinosaur saying he has a big head and little arms and the plan wasn't thought through very well. Needless to say, if I can get my kids to stop watching Tom and Jerry (I HATE that show!) I'm pushing for Meet the Robinsons.

The real reason, besides that hilarious dinosaur? The dad/boy's motto in life is Keep Moving Forward. And he created wonderful things. I love that. So here I am, thirty years old with three kids, I just lost my cat (who, by the way, I was finally starting to like - After FOUR years) and I'm deciding it's time to stop waiting for life to be okay and to start chasing all those dreams I had when I was a kid. By the way, I had very realistic dreams when I was a kid, so this really is a great idea.

Calista Jolie

My sweet little Halloween Angel, Calista Jolie (Jolie for my mom, JoAnn, and Blair's mom, Julie)

6 pounds 10 ounces

19 inches long

Sweet as can be, but she's definately got Blair's (or my, depending on who you ask) temper.

Labor Fun

Meet our little Halloween surprise! She, of course, came the ONE day of the month I told her not to. When I went into labor at 1 am, I knew for sure she was a boy. Only a boy would be so disobedient ;) Also, when I went into labor at 1 am, I was positive I wasn't in labor. Partly because the previous Sunday I was sure I was in labor all day long, waiting for my blasted contractions to get closer than 10 min apart, clear up until they just stopped. And I was thinking if I refused to admit I was in labor, I wouldn't be. I'm very strong willed...sometimes. At 3 am when they were 3 min apart, Blair FORCED me to call my mom. She came and we left, and for the 20 minute ride to the hospital, I had zero contractions. They stopped again. Furious, I paced the hospital parking lot trying to figure out if I should go inside or go home.

We finally decided to go in and ask them what I should do.

Labor and Delivery is on the 4th floor. I hate elevators, even more when I'm in labor, so we took the stairs, and on the way up my contractions started again at 3 min, but they weren't very painful - nothing compared to when I had Sienna, so I was still convinced I wasn't in labor. We got to the 4th floor...and the door was locked. So we hiked all the way back down and took the dumb elevator.

They admitted me, even though I explained to them that yes, this was my 3rd child but I had no idea if I was in labor or not. I'm sure they were all impressed with my intellegence. They checked and I was dialated to a 6, so I had to stay. About an hour later, around 6 am, I asked for an epidural because I was attached to the bed and I don't like pain. Twenty minutes later I told my nurse it was too strong, because I couldn't feel my contractions at all. She smiled and patted my shoulder and said it was because I wasn't having any.

They had STOPPED. AGAIN.

So they started me on Pitocin and Blair and I watched the championship dog show (there isn't much on at 5 in the morning), and I silently stewed that I was having a baby on Halloween who didn't even want to be born on Halloween, obviously. But an hour later, I told the nurse, "I can't feel anything, but I think I need to push." Call it maternal instinct. She humored me and checked, saying something about how I hadn't had any contractions so I couldn't possibly, and then gasped, because my baby was right there ready to be born. She called my doctor, but I couldn't deliver until 9:09 so that I got all the antibiotics I was supposed to. It was 7:30. My doctor told me to cross my legs for an hour and a half. I think she was kidding. At 9:14 they broke my water, and 3 pushes and about 45 seconds later Calista was born - with the cord wrapped around her neck twice. They told me later they knew she was in trouble because her heart rate kept dropping. I can't figure out why we didn't do something about that, but she was okay when she was born, just really pissed off. So I guess it all worked out.

She's been an angel so far. I even get to sleep for about 3 hours at a stretch at night - something Sienna and Carson don't even let me do. And she's beautiful, if I do say so myself! :)

Our Summer Vacation

I haven't posted for a while, but it hasn't been because I'm lazy, I promise! I just couldn't think of anything at all to say. But I finally did, so here ya go!

My future NFL kicker

This summer was actually pretty busy. We went camping a lot - so glad we've got our 5th wheel with a bathroom or I wouldn't be such a good little camper. My kids, on the other hand, could live outside and be perfectly happy. Maybe happier than they are to live in a house. Not sure how that happened...weird little things.

We went to Zion with my parents and sister's family - and had GORGEOUS weather. I was stressed because Zion is supposed to be hot. I hate heat. Not a summer person at all. But the whole time we were there it was like 70 degrees.

Blair jumping the ditch after I told him he couldn't

Then we had my niece and nephew stay with us for 3 weeks. The kids loved that. I realized that having a house full of kids is really hard and I have so much more respect for people with more than 2 kids...and I'm slightly terrified for when I have more than 2 kids. But we had a lot of fun.

The kids baffled by a tepee at Fort Buenaventure

Then Sienna left for over a month and I won't lie and say I was tough and made it through. I cried almost every night for 2 weeks until I'm sure Blair was wondering what the heck he'd gotten himself into. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. That's not to say that we did nothing while Sienna was gone. I tried to keep Carson busy so that he wouldn't miss her too much, so we went to the fair and playgroup and to Blair's aunt's cabin.

At the cabin

HOWEVER, I did make it through, and she came home, and we hurried to do lots of fun things before she had to go back to school, and before I got too huge to be any fun (That's about where I'm at now, btw).

The day we picked Sienna up to bring her home!!!

Now things are settled down for a minute before we have the baby. Only 4 more weeks - Thank goodness! This will definitely be our last. I'm not a good pregnant person at all!